Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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