Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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