at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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