areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
