Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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