Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
