O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
