white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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