I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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