remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
