we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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