erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
