i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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