so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
