At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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