My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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