dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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