good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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