is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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