Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
