omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry about my life...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
