I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
God I need to hump something, right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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