Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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