can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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