I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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