You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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