my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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