lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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