just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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