well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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