I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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