he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
