You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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