Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
