What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
