You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
