Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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