Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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