This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
