just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
