It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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