She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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