Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
