Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize