Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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