Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
one might say we're banned from that church
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
