I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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