I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
did you just send me my own nude
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
