Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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