I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
