I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
