Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
