Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
