Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
