My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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