He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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