What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
