it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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