it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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