Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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