I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
