Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
