Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
