Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
