Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
