I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
