She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
