i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
