the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize