id be glad to
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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