A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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