Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
