I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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