Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
